I don't like Christmas. It is true and I think, finally, I understand why.
As the days get shorter and shorter my mood gets darker and darker. It actually has a name, Seasonal Affective Disorder, or SAD. It is due to the lack of sunlight during the winter months. It even has treatments, but one first needs to recognize that treatment is need, which, finally, this year I have. The light box is on its way. In fact it is my Christmas present from my husband.
Now to understand how this relates to Christmas you need to remember that just days before the BIG day comes the longest night of the year. So each day, as everyone counts down to December 25, there is a little less sunlight in my life. Each day becomes a little more difficult to get through. While a shopper is out at mall celebrating the miracle of finding the perfect gift, I am home celebrating the miracle I got out of bed.
It is really hard to be "merry and bright" when the light, literally and figuratively, is leaving your life. It is hard to hear Christmas music when all the feelings associated with them is sadness. It is not that I don't rejoice in the reason for the season, I just don't have it within me to celebrate. So I have just learned to endure the month of December, putting up with all the well meaning comments from friends to get with the season and enjoy Christmas.
So please, let me be. Let me just endure the concerts, the hype, the parties. Don't expect me to find this time of the year to be "the most wonderful time of the year". Accept it. Come News Years Eve, with the light coming back, I will celebrate that the month is over, winter will end, and spring is on its way.
