Letting Go

I am letting go of stuff.  That is easy thing to do.  I tackled my bedroom this week and I feel so much better.  I have a place of peace in my house.  I also found energy and tackled the "junk" room, a space in the basement that we are not yet sure what to do with it.   Dream, at this point, a "holding" space for toys, ping pong table, and other things.  I want cupboards and a small closet to store things.  Right now it is full of boxes on the floor.  I guess it is a holding place, just not as nice as my dreams.  Someday.

I moved the box spring and mattress that was in the the center of the room to lean against a "wall", opening the whole room up.  I know what are in the boxes, mostly scrapbook projects with old letters and photos from many people lives.  (I have become the family historian and get this stuff routinely.)  Someday I will tackle them, but first I need to deal with the children scrapbook projects so they leave the house when the children do.

I went through three banker boxes of music.  I emptied two and a bit and now have two boxes of music ready to leave.  It represents a lot of time, money, and dreams.  But I will never teach piano again.  I kept the method books I like for my kids to learn on, but the library of method books is going.  The solo sheet music, the duet books, the theory, the sight reading, they are all going.  That was an easy let go.

I also went through two boxes of my stuff from high school.  Found my calculus notes.  They are trashed.  Scrapbooks from those teenage years, condensed down to one box and waiting for bookshelves to sit on.  Easy let goes.

In the bottom of one of the boxes I found a letter, a very painful letter to read when I first got it.  It hasn't changed.  I have stewed over that letter the past few days, wondering if it what was said is still true.  Showed it to dh to get his take on if it was still true.  In some ways, yes.  In other ways, no.  I know the why and I can do what I can to continue to grow, but we both agree there is only so much I can do due to how my mind is wired.

He then pointed out that it was not a letter written in love.  That the writer had been angry and vindictive when it was written.  That they wanted to put me in my place.  He lovingly told me to let it go.  This is hard.  The way my mind works, due to the fact the author wrote that they were saying this to help me, I really thought it was written in love.  I can see where dh is coming from, yet I don't fully understand.  So I will trust him and try to let it go.  Hard to do because, while I can toss the letter, the words are burned into my mind and are wounds on my heart.  So I will pray and someday, hopefully, I will let it go.