Taking care of ME

I'll be up front.  I have cancer.  It was found when my thyroid was removed, and yes, it is thyroid cancer.

To ensure that it did not spread I have to have a scan done.  To do the scan I must be off of my thyroid hormone replacement, as it will give false positives.  For a little over a week I have been off the meds and I am functioning, to a point.  But by and large I have "shut" down my life.  What a life changing thing to do!

BUT........

Because I am functioning some around me still expect me to do what I normally do.  They forget cause I am still up right.  But time is not on my side.  I can feel it.  There are things that MUST be done before I lose all energy and that may very well mean that your project is getting pushed aside for my project, something I would not had done in the past.

Because I am functioning some have no clue this is even happening.  I know I am stepping on some "toes" because I am not jumping up to help them in their own perceived need.  I have to weigh out every choice I am making right now.  If I give energy, which is on short supply, to you will I have energy for...family, home, or myself?  Just chose one because those are the three areas I have shut my life down to.  I give to you and that may very well mean I am taking from a child that needs my help, help that only I can give.

By shutting down of my life I have found there are things called boundaries.  That one can set them up in their life and other will have to respect them.  But first you have to own them and respect them.  Now that I have found them, I am going to keep them, even when my energy is back.  There are those that may not be happy with me because when they say jump I will not say "How high?".  But I will finally have time for the things that matter most to me in my life.  Something that I have to easily allowed to be pushed out by others demands on my time and lost. 

Don't like cancer.  But what a blessing it has become in my life.  (and this is just the start of the journey.)